• Irrational Violence

    Date: 2011.07.09 | Category: Uncategorized | Tags: ,,,,,

    With a title like that you probably think that I’m going to give you a blog about how we could all live in a peaceful world if we would just [x]. Well you’re wrong! HA! How does that feel? Nah nah ne nah nah! No, what this post is about is the little things that turn me from a sensible person to a short, petulant chick who feels the need to lash out.  Ok, ok you’re right I’m short regardless. Everyone has something that ignites the little bomb in us. Below are three of mine.

    1. Smells. Growing up I carried around a precious blankey that I would sniff all the time and had a favorite corner that smelled the best. If you’re imagining one of those kids that puts up a fuss whenever the blanket was washed, you’d be right. I mean come on! All the best smells were gone! Truth be told I still cuddle up with a blanket and smell it. It’s my go-to action whenever I’m reading or watching tv. (I know “tv” is supposed to be capitalized, but it’s an abbreviation! It’s not a person, important event, or anything. It’s a tv.) So needless to say I’m kind of particular about smells. One morning I was woken up by an odor The Husband had made by heating up an extremely smelly, frozen dinner for breakfast. I remember jumping out of the bed, stomping out of the bedroom, throwing open some windows, punching The Husband in the stomach, and then returning promptly to bed.
    2. Endless Beeping. Usually this is in a store, because if it’s in my home I WILL control the beeping. In stores once my ears detect the high pitched frequency and consistent pattern I can feel the muscles in my neck tighten and turn my head slowly to one side as if I were playing some sort of psychopath in a crappy movie or about to transform into some sort of monster before your very eyes. Two days ago we were in Home Depot and directly behind us was a man on a lift rearranging stock on the top shelves. He would *beep beep beep* go up and shelve something, then *beep beep beep* go down to get more inventory. It was maddening. It got to a point where I could no longer hear The Husband’s voice. I was consumed by the sound and was later glad that the buggy I had been clutching had no nerve endings. I could only become myself again when we got far, far way from that section.
    3. “Puffy Cloudy Sayings”. Now it may offend someone for me to say this, but I absolutely hate such saying as “Don’t ask for more… do more,” – an uncle of mine. “Cooperation is the thorough conviction that nobody can get there unless everybody gets there,”  -Virginia Burden. “Life is not about learning to survive the storm, but rather learning how to dance in the rain,” -Unknown.  I really have to hold my tongue when I read/hear someone spouting off a mantra that they don’t even follow and are only saying so that they sound balanced and enlightened. What I really want to do is get right in their face and tell them is that they should just go ahead and cross-stitch it on a pillow and throw it on their couch…and I have said that once. It was a long day.

    I hope that posting this to the internet will not mean that when you see/meet me you will use this knowledge against me. I will warn you that the same rule for tickling me applies to using these methods against me. I Am Not Responsible For My Reactions.